do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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