K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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