im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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