i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
