dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
