new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
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