The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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