I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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