u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
