New invention idea: vibrating tampons
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
