You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
