i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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