Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
