i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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