the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
