Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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