I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
