I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
