Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
