you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
