i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
