We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
