His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
