If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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