can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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