the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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