I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
