1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize