Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We are all done wearing pants today
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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