The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
