saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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