do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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