This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
