Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
