i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
