just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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