i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
