Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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