Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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