i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
