i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
farters have to be the big spoon...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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