I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
