I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
