I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
