FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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