Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
