You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
