I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
