when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
