We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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