i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
