How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
