i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
