can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
