Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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