So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
