a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize