he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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