she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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