i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
