Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
