I think my fart just growled at me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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