I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
