Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize