dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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