Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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