The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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