well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
