I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize