im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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