I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
