batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
