its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
