I want to stick my p in your. b.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
