so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
