Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
