i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
